Sunday, September 16, 2007

I'm here....and still not smoking!!!

I know...I've been AWOL yet once again. I do that a lot. I get so caught up in other things that I forget all about getting on the puter. But I wanted to post a GREAT update...

Yesterday was my 32nd Birthday. And I am smoke free....for real!! I don't know how or when it happened, but I ended up stopping the Chantix. It's been about 2 weeks now, and I'm doing so great. If anyone has checked out my other blog, then you would understand how happy I am about this. I gave myself a reward...kinda one of those "I'm proving that I'm strong and can do what I want when I want to". I went and got my first body piercing the other my navel done. It's my motivation also to lose a little weight. I had the Chantix and all of you as motivation to quit smoking and stay quit. Now I have a little silver ring in my navel as motivation to get myself into better shape and lose a little weight. I just hope it

I know that I'm rambling and not making a whole lot of sense right now. I've got a lot going through my head right now...and it's kinda crazy in I do have to also update my other blog, but not right now. I'm taking my kids to the park and letting them be free for the day. No worries. No thoughts. Just living their life.

I hope you're all doing good with your quit. I'll catch up later on y'all.

More days down....

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Recipe for super easy cookie bars...

These cookies are super easy, and oh so yummy!!

Candy Topped Peanut Butter Bars

1 roll of sugar cookie dough (from the store)
3/4 cup butter or margerine, softened
1/2 cup peanut butter
2 cups powdered sugar
2 Tablespoons milk
1 cup salted peanuts (optional)
1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips (I use milk chocolate though)
1/4 cup cream
1/2 cup M&M's (or any other mini candies...such as baking Reese's Pieces...mmmmm)

Break cookie dough into ungreased 13x9 pan. Press dough evenly across the bottom of the pan. Bake at 350 for 12 to 16 minutes, or until light golden brown; cool completely.. In medium bowl combine 1/2 cup butter, peanut butter, powdered sugar and milk; beat until smooth. Spread peanut butter mixture over cooled crust. In a small saucepan combine 1/4 cup butter and chocolate chips; cook over low heat until melted and smooth, stirring frequently. Remove from heat; cool 10 minutes. Stir cream into chocolate mixture until well blended. Spread over peanut butter mixture. Immediately sprinkle mini m&m's over chocolate mixture. Refrigerate for one hour or until chocolate is set. Cut into bars. Keep refrigerated.

Pretty easy, huh??

I made a few of my own variations, substitutions, whatever you want to call them. I made one as stated above but I used mini Reese's Pieces instead and then I drizzled Reeses Peanut Butter ice cream topping across it (like those fancy restaurants would do). The peanut butter topping doesn't totally harden, but it hardens enough. I've made these cookies in a pizza pan...really neat serving idea, not so easy to cut though if you want to have smaller pieces. I have also considered using peanut butter chips instead of chocolate chips. You really have a good amount of flexabiliy with this recipe if you think about it. Crunched up candy bars. I'm sure there is some way to make the sugar cookie dough a chocolate dough. If you decide to make one, tell us how you did it....I'd like to know. I wish I would have taken a picture of the one I made last weekend in the pizza pan. It was so awesome looking!!

Happy Baking!!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Still not smoking

I've still got a really long way to go with my "crisis" here, but so far the only day throughout the whole ordeal so far that I even thought of a smoke was last Wednesday. Not bad!! To tell you the truth...I haven't even thought about smoking the last few days. I just finished another week without smoking...I'm now on 1 month and 20 days...pretty freaking awesome!! I'm still having the wild dreams, but they do seem to be getting a little bit tamer the last few days. They just seem to have the recurring theme....Ralph protecting me. And most of them we are in the truck. He asked me what I was gonna dream about when he got his I told him the dreams would be me driving it, of Yes, folks, you read that right. He's getting rid of our baby. :(

My kids are getting so spoiled with me having more money to do things with them. I'm taking us all out to the county fair this Friday night. We're going to the monster truck, tractor, and semi pull. I know to some of you that sounds so "backwoods hillbilly"...but that's pretty much how we are around here. The county fair is the biggest social event of the year!!hehe The kids went to a demolition derby with a friend of ours the other night. They still haven't stopped talking about it!!lol Of course, they are kids!! I'm just looking forward to a night out with my kids, my man, and his boy. I just hope that this hurricane induced rain we're getting right now goes away. Rain + Fair = Messy Now don't get me wrong, I'm not so girly that I'm afraid of a little dirt...but have you ever smelled wet cow stalls??? UGH!! There isn't much that is worse than that. That's air that is just a little *too country* for me!!LMAO

I keep reading all of these yummy things that Maggie is cooking up over mouth is watering!! I did some baking last weekend for my family reunion. I made some chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, and then I also made these supper simple cookie bars that are made out of store bought, refrigerated cookie dough. Super easy, and oh so yummy!!! I promise to post the recipe tomorrow for anyone who wants to try it. Just be sure that when you make it you have a few people to share it with. These are so good they will pack a zillion pounds on you without you even noticing!! I know from experience!! :D

Well y'all...I'm gonna head off to find a new ringback or two for my phone...tired of the old one...hehe Plus maybe I'll help my mom get some ringtones since she just got her first celly.

Another day down....

Friday, August 17, 2007

New blog info

Ok...I got my new blog set up. It's private, so unless I invite you, you can't view it. I have a lot that I could lose if what I have posted there gets out too soon. But while I'm going through this crisis I'm going to stay smoke free. It's going to be very hard. And I can't deny the temptaion I had Wednesday when I was offered one. But I resisted and somehow by the grace of God got past it. My mom joked that if I hadn't I would have finished off a carton, and started on another one by the end of the day. I don't doubt that for a second.

But is late. And if I can, I want to see if the Sandman will visit me tonight. I hae been reading everyone's blogs...I just haven't had anything to say. My tears would have stained *your* computer If you would like an invite to my blog...please email me at

And another day is past....

Quick check in...

I just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm still a non smoker. And believe me, I had a day this week that if I was still a smoker I would have finished off a carton!! I'm going to start a new blog but it's going to be private...there are things that I have to say there that could ruin everything that I started to other day. So when I get it up, I will be sure to come here and post the addy for it. I'm still keeping this one for my Chantix journey...the other one is for a crisis in my house. You all will still be welcome to read it, but don't feel obligated to.

I'm in the middle of my 6th week now. I missed my night dose Wed. night. I found it in my pocket yesterday. Don't ask how it got in my pocket...I honestly couldn't tell you right now. All I remember of Wednesday is that my whole world turned upside down and crashed at my feet. Somehow I made it through without a smoke...AWESOME!!

I gotta run now...Dustin has a doctors appointment and I gotta get a shower yet!!

Another few days down (since my last post)...

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Scary dream...

I had the scariest dream last night...and it was a dream thank God!! I dreamed that I was in my bathroom, and I was upset about something, and I grabbed Ralph's pack of smokes and lit one!! O.M.G!!! I took one hit and then I put it out. I didn't like the taste of it. I know it was a dream cuz Ralph was in the bathroom doing #2...I know better than to even *think* about going in there when that's going on (in real life)!!LOL It was scary though to think that I was dreaming of smoking...but then it was cool that even in my dream I put it out after one hit. Part of the whole thing was my sub conscious at ex got me real upset again last night. He was taking the kids, and me and Ralph were gonna go have a drink with my mom. Well, "the jerk" (that's what I call him) decided that he would just bring them home when he felt they had enough time with him (3 hours?? Come on!!!) and sit on my back porch and wait for us. Me and Ralph came home from picking up something to eat real quick and there was my ex, his wife, and the kids. So much for a little alone time with my man, and the drink with my mom. She was so mad when I called and told her that we weren't joining her. She kept calling "the jerk" an SOB...which is a lot lighter than I was thinking at the time!!LOL Well, in order to get "the jerk" and his wife out of here quicker, Ralph offered to take them home. "the jerk" decided to take advantage of it and make up all kinds of lies about me cheating on him ("the jerk") and all this other BS...Ralph was so mad about it all, but he didn't want to cause more problems so he just listened. But he did manage to make "the jerk" feel like an ass about all the crap he puts me through with the kids. And how he makes the kids feel. Hey, Ralph is a single dad and he makes time for his kid...why can't "the jerk"??? UGH!! That's just a whole lot of anger, and I don't want to get into it tonight...

So Ralph got to spend the night last night. I was so psyched about that!! Even though we had a little spat about all of the crap "the jerk" brought was a great night. The kids fell asleep right after the game (we lost...bummer), mom was still me and Ralph got to enjoy a little alone time...;) He just makes me feel so good (ok...we're back out of the bedroom get your mind out the gutter here folks....LMAO)...I can't explain it. We fought a little about what "the jerk" said...but when it was all done we were laughing. It was so silly to fight over lies that "the jerk" was telling...but yet I had to make sure Ralph knew they were lies, ya know?? But that was why I think my dream was my subconscious...cuz I was so angry last night...and I did want a smoke...but I fought it. Then the other dream I had...our truck broke down (it's not running real good in real life), it was pouring down rain, and Ralph gave me his coat so I would stay drier, we walked to a shelter, where there were other people trying to stay out of the rain, and then he got directions from some guy and we had to walk through this was dark (in real life, Ralph is scared of the dark) and all we had was this tiny flashlight, and there were these HUGE spider webs in this tunnel. Ralph went through ahead of me and made sure to knock every web down for me. He's also scared of spiders in real life. I told him about these dreams and he also thinks that it was my subconscious at work. He's been protective of me lately...which explains the one about spider webs and raining. And I've been under a lot of stress due to "the jerk" and as I mentioned, stress is a trigger for me. I felt good today though. I slept so good last night with him here. I spent a lot of quality time with my kids today...Ralph was going to get his son today so he left this morning. We went to a family reunion and had a lot of fun. They were so worn out they barely made it home...hehe I just wish that Ralph and Austin were there...they are part of *my* family now. We're heading to the mountains I think this week with all the kids to go to a beach up there...I can't wait!! I want to just chill and relax with our kids...and I really do love picnicing.

Well, me and mom are gonna go watch the Perseids meteor shower. This will be a first for me...and I'm excited. I wonder how many falling stars I can make a wish on tonight??lol I know that I will make a wish for all of us though...that we all can remain smoke free and live healthier lives.

I love you guys for listening to my rambling!! It really is nice to talk to you all...even if it is through a computer screen. I hope that we all can stick together on this journey. So far I'm loving the ride!!

Another day down...

Friday, August 10, 2007

Life and Love

I had a little time alone this morning...and I used it to lay in bed and just *think*. It's been a week of so many ups and downs...happiness and sadness. I spent two nights on my back porch drowning my sorrows with alcohol. One night was a "girls night". My mom was having a rough day, my girlfriend had a rough evening with her man, and I was missing Ralph and fuming over words my ex had said to me the day before. Nothing like an ex to really quash your sense of self worth, ya know?? That night, I do have to admit, was very hard for me to stay away from the smokes. I kept looking at Missy (my gf), and thinking that I wish I could have one of her smokes. I know that she would never have given me one. But I wanted one so badly that night that I could taste it. It was scary. The next night I was drinking I told Ralph all the things my ex said to me and ended up in tears. He was there for me, like he always is, making me feel better. That's one of the things that I love so much about matter what, he always makes me feel better about everything. This night I was fine without the smokes. No cravings at all. So I know that alcohol was not a factor in my cravings the night before. And I was not drunk either night. As I mentioned in the beginning of my quit...stress was a major player for me. Maybe it still is a little bit.

Yesterday ended on such a happy note. Ralph called me at 830AM...which no one does unless the have to. He wanted to spend the entire day with me, even agreeing to go to therapy with me. This was a first!!LOL We had some rough storms move through here throughout the day yesterday...but as usual, Ralph was there to save the day. He even cleaned up a good portion of mom's house (how's that for a good man??)...he VOLUNTARILY did it too!! Another reason I love him! He took Dustin to run some errands later in the day...which was awesome for Dustin. Then the last storms that went through...OMG...ladies you will appreciate this one. We were on the front porch swing, watching the storm come in, and listening to it as it approached. When it got close I wanted to come in (deathly afraid of storms). Ralph pulled me over to him, put his arm around me and told me that he would protect me. Now if that isn't what he calls a "Lifetime Movie moment"...I wouldn't know what is!! The storm was actually really cool to was all cloud to cloud lightning. It was a beautiful sight. And a memory that I will cherish forever!

I was folding clothes today...and it was so nice to smell fresh clean clothes!! Mom doesn't smoke in the house too much, so the house doesn't reek of cigarettes. I walked up to get the kids at the park again today and the walk seemed even easier than it was a few weeks ago. I'm feeling better at a month without a cigarette. It's really awesome!! And it's the littlest things that make me so happy that I don't smoke. I was just sitting on my bed showing Sierra and Carissa the purses and hair thingy's that I got them at Walmart today, and Dustin was showing me all the pockets in his new bookbag...and it was nice to do that without blowing smoke in their face, worrying about burning one of them, or worrying about ashes falling on my bed. My dry mouth is not so bad anymore. The dreams are starting to taper off some...but they're still cool when I have them. The gas though...OMG!!! This side effect has returned...and with a vengeance!!LMAO I cleared the room out earlier!!HEHE I know this is not a "ladylike" thing to discuss, but hey, we're all in this together, right??? If my mom was here when I did that...the look on her face would have been absolute horror and disgust!! I have problems with my stomach and I burp *A LOT*...she gets mad sometimes and just tells me that I should know I do know better...but when your with your fellow house mates some things should be able to slide!!LOL But anyhow...the gas is back...and it's bad this time around!! I'm just glad that Ralph isn't around...there's no way I could hold these babies back!!LMAO

Now that I have made everyone die of laughter...I'm going to go do something else now. Maybe work on my page, or my photo album. Depends...

Another day down.....